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I really liked you guys. Well most of you, anyway.
Are you really that hard up for money? You could have just called.
You could have even called collect... I would have accepted charges.
Just dial 0, the nice operator will take care of you. But you had
to take their blood money. Now you will be damned to a circle of
hell somewhere between lawyers and politicians.
I don't think there is anything that annoys me more than telephone commercials. I hated them from an early age. But now they're more prevalent than ever, and some actors that I actually respect have succumbed to this evil profession. Shame on you. |
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Carrot Top |
It's taken me a while to get Carrot Top on here, mostly because I'm not quite sure that this is worth my time. Everyone else up here at least has some redeeming qualities. Now this poor bastard just made me sad. At least, he did until he started doing phone commercials, where I am forced to endure his annoying antics during such quality programming as News Radio and The Simpsons. Get the fuck off my TV! Now! Don't come back!!! |
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Dennis Miller |
Until
just recently, this one hurt more than any of the others. Dennis seems
to be an intelligent fella. I loved him on Saturday Night Live, his
HBO show rules, and it's cool that he got the Monday Night Football
gig. You did not need to do these commercials. I'm sure HBO is paying you enough to cover the bills. I damn you. I damn you. I damn you. |
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 Adam Carolla |
Maybe
Jimmy's getting all the big bucks. I'm sure you're making more than
me. I'm getting by. Why man? Why? Did you hesitate for a moment? How much money did they give you? Did you take their first offer? Couldn't you have at least worked some girls jumping on trampolines into the commercial? No, you couldn't. Because the girls jumping on trampolines know better than to allow themselves to be exploited like that for a telephone commercial. I damn you. I damn you. I damn you. |
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 Mr. T |
I didn't see this one
until just recently. I was at home on Saturday night, and the phone
rang. It was an old friend. "Ryan" he said, "we've
lost another one, and you're not going to like this." "Oh God, who this time..." The immediate thought that jumped into my head was Jeff Goldblum. Thank god it wasn't, but I knew this one was going to be bad. "It's Mr. T, Ryan. He's doing phone commercials." Mr. T's had some tough times lately. He's been battling Cancer and laying off work while he dealt with that. But you didn't have to do the commercials. Just give me a call. We can help you out. Just stop doing the commercials. |
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 Wayne Knight |
You were annoying as
Newman. You are more annoying as a pitch man for God knows what mindless
collect calling service. I can at least take pleasure in watching you torn to shreds by ravenous reincarnated dinosaurs again and again in Jurassic Park, while Jeff Goldblum lives on to star in the mediocre sequel. (Jeff, please don't do it. At least Macs are computers. If the phone companies come calling let me know. I'll take up a collection.) |
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 Ed O'Neill |
Married With Children
was hardly High Art. Honestly, I never expected better of you. At least it appears that the job you had pitching collect calling was the last flailing gasp of your career. Enjoy your fade to obscurity. At least it won't be too far a fall. |
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 George Carlin |
All your artistic integrity are belong to us. |